I’m sure everyone just like me has experienced the feeling of being hungry and at the same time nothing sounds good to eat. The next time you have this conundrum tell yourself that you are starting a diet right then. In the next moment after you have started your diet everything will sound delicious. You will be so hungry that you will need to grab a Snickers to hold you over while you drive thru Taco Bell to pick up the Chalupa you are craving just to fill the empty void in your stomach until you can find a decent restaurant to get a real meal.
Which brings up another topic from this day forward vow to never eat at those crappy chain restaurants that circle the nation. You know the ones I’m talking about they all have the same menu, taste exactly the same and yet people actually debate which ones are better. I’ll end that debate right now. They are all terrible! Instead find a restaurant that is locally owned by someone who actually takes a little pride in what they serve. If you can think of no such place url over to cityweekly and check out the dining section they have plenty of delicious choices. I’ll even recommend some of my favorites if you promise to do everything in your power to stay away from these evil, bland, themed restaurants that serve the same food as the restaurant across the street. Sorry about that tangent.
If any of you have had the terrible experience of being on a diet you know exactly what I am talking about. I can be exhausted; to tired to peel a banana and if I decide I’m going to eat healthy I miraculously have the energy to make tamales, deep fry a turkey, bake banana nut bread and order a pizza at the same time. If some how we could find a way to harness this energy from people who have recently started diets we could drop our dependency on foreign oil.
While I have every ones attention because I know you are totally with me on this diet thing, when you are the first person in line on a left turn light you should have only one thing on your mind. That damn light! It makes me furious to see a green arrow and then wait seven seconds for the first car to finally turn. When you are first in line you are the captain of the left turn lane. The people behind you are putting their faith and trust in you. Please take this accountability seriously. It is your responsibility to get EVERYONE through. Please don’t leave any stragglers behind because more often then not it is me that barely misses the light and honestly my blood pressure can’t handle it. I’m already stressed from not eating (see above).
3 comments:
You are hilarious! I get a little of the road rage myself. Occasionally I spout off with something that makes even Tom blush!
Jen said there were some funny rants on your blog, so I decided to check them out. I did chuckle at some of your points, but more importantly, I have some advice for you.
First, if you are going to go to all the trouble of making a post about how disgusting chain restaurants are, finish your post. You can't tell someone to check out the url. Give us a hyperlink. You are talking to the same person who won't eat oranges because they are too much work (for what you get), so you know I'm not tracking down city weekly. I need a hyperlink or I'm going to Chili's tonight.
And secondly, i need you to picture your steering wheel as a clock. You should have your hands on ten and two. Now, look directly at the center of your clock. Remember this place, it's important... Now the next time the your captain of the left lane doesn't notice the green arrow, remove your right hand from 2 o'clock and push as hard as you can in the center of your clock. This should produce a loud sound coming from somewhere under your hood (don't be alarmed, this is supposed to happen). This will put your captain on notice, but he/she may not be particularly excited about being woken up. So, you must now take your left hand from 10 o'clock and make a tight fist with it. Now raise your fist and shake vigorously at your captain. This will show your captain that you mean business.
I hope this helps you out.
I just realized that this post was Trav's. I was really worried that his bizarre behavior was starting to rub off on Sara and I was insanely worried for her. xoxo
p.s. we eat at Chili's probably twice a month.
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